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West Sundbury Times & Pickyune

“All the news that simply isn’t

Crash Test Barbie Still Missing!

The beautiful but not so bright adventurer known as "Crash Test Barbie" is missing after a dramatic attempt to reach low altitude orbit Sunday went horribly wrong. CT Barbie is famous for previous ludicrous attempts to prove modern physics wrong by pushing the limits of common sense and using herself in increasingly suicidal experiments such as "The Rocket Powered Barbie Ferrari", "The bicycle centrifuge" and the "Trash bag parachute" - all of which failed spectacularly.

Sundays attempt to launch herself into low altitude orbit involved a large amount of black powder and a sturdy PVC pipe. Witnesses said "After two failed attempts to ignite the powder charge, the whole thing simply blew up! - There was a tremendous explosion which shook witnesses with a concussion. When the smoke cleared there was a large crater in the dirt and the launch tube was lying a few feet away. There was no immediate sign of CT Barbie".

When questioned about the events leading up to the explosion, launch director David Hook was heard to say "Well, we used - don't know maybe a 1/4 pound of black powder - not sure really of the amount. After some difficulty with making a homemade fuse from a line of matches, we got ignition - and wow! - I mean boy - what a bang!"

The search of the area continues with authorities combing the tall grass and underbrush for any sign or remains of CT Barbie. They have begun to employ a large dog

CT Barbie as she prepairs for launch!

Ken Questioned!

Ex-boyfriend of missing CT Barbie is being questioned by authorities for potential involvement in the recent disaster this past Sunday that resulted in the missing whereabouts of Barbie. It has been rumored that Ken was very upset by the recent public breakup of this long time couple.

"Just leave me alone!" wailed the distraught pretty boy as he left the police station Monday morning after being questioned for hours by authorities.

Close friends of the couple say that CT Barbie abruptly cut off the relationship citing "irreconcilable differences" , although it is widely believed that their non-existent sex life is the cause of the couples separation. Rumors became rampant after CT Barbie was reported to scream to party goers at her Malibu house that "He's a fucking unic! He's got no dick - no balls at all! Mutherfucker has no goddamm cock!"

Ken had gone into seclusion refusing to talk to the press while CT Barbie retreated to her Malibu playhouse with longtime friend and confidant Skipper.

Estate Auction

Everything must go! This Saturday! Large Malibu playhouse and all contents! Thousands of wardrobe items, bikinis galore. 1 spacesuit (Slightly used). Hot Pink Ferrari (needs paint) Shoes!-shoes!-shoes! 1 Wedding gown (Worn out but never used)
- Make checks out to "Skipper".